Thursday, January 19, 2006

My humps, my lady lumps

Check it out... Memorial Day 2005 we were having a cookout and I leaned over to the right and while doing so I scratched an itch on my left side. It was during this scratch that I noticed a lump. About 2 inches below my ribs. I felt around and it appeared to be a mass about the size of a tater tot. I sort of forgot about it after a while. Then a few weeks ago my side started feeling kind of constrictive. I felt for the tater tot and it has grown into a turnip. Well, maybe more the size of a ravioli. Why do they always compare body masses to food? Point is, it has grown. And now it hurts. I have an appointment Friday to get it checked out. My sister is having some similar masses biopsied right about now. Her doctor is pretty sure she just has a couple of benign cysts so I'm hoping for a similar diagnosis. Although knowing my luck they'll go in and find hair and teeth and pull out my unformed twin. I had a dream about it the other night- Seymour is its name- he's an alien that has taken residence inside me and is putting the squeeze on all my innards. In the dream they pulled him out and I instantly lost like 50 lbs and walked out of the hospital looking like a supermodel. I'll totally take the supermodel option over the unformed hair and teeth twin any day. Of course I guess I could always name my twin Seymour too.

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