Sunday, July 16, 2006

Sleeping with Darth

I went Friday and was fitted for my CPAP machine. No idea what that stands for. I suppose a more dedicated blogger would google it and report back, so if you'd like some extra credit have at it. All I know is it shoots gale force winds down my throat to keep me breathing at night. The lady told me it is set on 15, with 18 being the highest level, and that my apnea is severe. Since the air pressure is so high I get a humidifier attachment to keep my throat from drying out. I also got a sexy little case and a demo on how to set it up, use it, clean it etc. I brought it home and cleaned it and got it all set up. We got ready for bed and I slipped into my mask. Folks, if you want your man to look at you with come hither eyes, skip this mask thing. Take your chances with the apnea. Jon laughed so hard at me and kept saying through guffaws "Turn out the light- I can't take it!". The pugs were wigged out and a wee bit scared. The hottest part of my get up is that because air is flying at warp speed down your tubes you can't open your mouth and talk very well. It turns me into a lisping sexpot with a major speech impediment. Jon: "How's it feel? Can you breathe?" Me: "Ith feelths fine. Iths hard to talkth though. Can I geth a kith?" The boy then shook my hand goodnight. He would only kiss me after I took it off. Good thing we're adopting! He said it felt like he was going to bed with someone from outer space!