Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Our home study is on Friday and I'm a nervous wreck. I've literally made myself sick over this. I've been throwing up for the past few days. I'm so nervous. Everything is riding on this one day, this one lady, this one opinion. This woman can make or break our chances to have a family. Everyone says don't stress you'll be fine, but this is so big. This one social worker will decide if this time next year I'll be a mom and Jon will be a dad. My boss gave me Thursday off today when he saw me shaking at work. I'm totally over the whole anger thing, but I'm seeing it through other people's eyes now. My mom just can't understand why I should have to stress so hard when we're trying to give a home to an abandoned baby. I understand the process and if it were my child I'd want the social workers to do their jobs well too. It's just ironic that when you get pregnant you don't have to be visited in your home and scrutinized. I get along with most everyone, but what if this woman thinks I'm weird or doesn't like that we have dogs or something off the wall? Jeesh I need a valium!