Dong Business

My main role at work is recruiting. I spend hours reading resumes and calling people to come in for interviews. In the last 3 weeks alone I have seen and heard some seriously funny stuff. From this I have decided that there are lessons to be learned when it comes to writing resumes, talking on the phone, and sitting through interviews. *All names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the stupid innocent.

Lesson #1: Dude, get someone to read over that resume, and don't forget spell check.
-"....dong business." Instead of doing business.
-Under Special Skills: "I don't really have any skills to speak of, but the ones I do have are surfing the internet and getting the email."
-Under Summary: "I just turned 21 and am getting married soon, so I want to be a big time executive."
-Leave your name as just your name and skip including nicknames like "Schizo". You don't want what is basically the title of your resume to read: Jonathan "Schizo" Smith.

Lesson #2: When you are job hunting, be prepared to speak to a prospective employer any time the phone rings. Change your outgoing answering machine message to something more professional.
-"I was just thinking about you" dramatic music "Why can't we get together" dramatic music "Leave your number" bom bom bom BOOOOOMMMMMMM! This was a machine message. OMG.
-Another message I heard recently: "Hi this is Lucy Washington. Standard stuff about not being able to get to the phone, then the clencher: And remember, if you THINK you can....YOU CAN!"
-Yet another machine preached to me: "GOD is mercy. God is love. God is almighty. IN THE NAME OF THE SAVIOUR JESUS, leave a message."
-After I did my little speech about the company and the position available one lady says to me, "So you're not a photographer?".
-I described the position and duties and this one girl says "So would I have to go out to places to do something?". Yes I said, you'd go out and meet with clients. She says "Oh, well I can't be doing none of that. Why can't I just sit at a desk?". Don't call us, we'll call you.

Lesson #3: When you come in for the interview, remember, you are there for an interview! Act professional! I heard these nuggets during informational interviews, the first step in securing a job at my company.
-When asked why the applicant was interested in my company one girl said "Oh, well, I thought I was here to be a receptionist." Then spent the rest of the time applying makeup.
-My favorite, let's call him Dave, when asked the same question as Mary Kay makeup: "Well, my name is Dave. I just graduated from Wonderful State University. I have a girlfriend, and well, SHE'S PREGNANT. So I, uh, need to be making more money than I did selling cars."