Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Mall stalker

At the urging of my sister I went ahead and joined an online local mom's group. I've already met one adoptive mom (from yesterday's play date) and have chatted with and learned from many more adoptive moms. The bio moms aren't too bad either ;) So one of the moms is selling Citipass books for her child's PTA. I wanted one and we made arrangements to meet at the mall's play area at 9:30 this morning. I got there and realized I couldn't remember her real name, just her screen name. So I walked up to the play area and asked the moms inside if any of them were from my mom's group.
Are you Shannon?
Yes.
You just missed her! She went that way. You can probably catch her if you hurry. Her son was acting up.
Oh no! Thanks. What's her name?
I don't know. All I know is her screen name.
Me too! Well, what's she wearing?
I don't remember. But she has brown hair and is pushing a stroller.

*Let me just tell you that it was before the mall opened and the mall was teaming with mall walkers. And I'd say roughly half were moms with brown hair and strollers.

Ok thanks!

And off I ran, or rather limped quickly as my sprained ACL in my right knee is still healing. Let me set the scene. I was wearing a lavendar outfit comprised of crop pants and v neck long sleeved top and light blue Crocs. I am not a runner. I am aware that I need to get in shape. And I was hot. And when I get hot I turn red. After passing a few stores I spotted a woman with longish brown hair and a blue stroller. So I picked up the pace and decided to call out to her. But what? All I knew was "lilmomma" her screen name. So I figured I'd just yell my own name and hopefully she'd hear it and think hey I was supposed to meet a Shannon.

Shannon!! Shannon!!

OMG I'm yelling my own name in a mall. All I got was a few odd looks from the shop keepers opening up for the day. I tried yelling Ma'am! But then every woman within 50 feet of me EXCEPT HER turned around. I thought of asking the freakishly fast power walkers to tell her to wait for me when they caught up with her but then realized that was seriously stalkerish.
Luckily she slowed up a bit at a couple of points and the crowd thinned a bit once we'd covered half the lap around the mall. So I broke out into the following screaming refrain:

Shannon!!
Ma'am!!
Lilmomma!!

Over and over I yelled this, like some bizarre window shopper with Tourettes. She looked over her shoulder in my direction from time to time but apparently didn't see me waving my arms. Then a group of people passed in front of her and I was finally able to get within 20 feet or so. I yelled Ma'am!! one more time and she finally turned around and looked at me.

I'm Shannon! Please stop!

"Oh hey!," She said and we made our way to some benches where I collapsed in a sweaty, huffing & puffing, Easter egg colored heap. "I thought someone was following me!"
Really? Cause you could have turned around at oh, mile 8 and saved me a heart attack! I bought my book and we chatted for a while before walking back the way we came to our cars.

There better be some damn good coupons in this book.

11 comments:

nikki said...

Oh my gosh, that was hilarious!
You can certainly paint a picture...Easter egg colored heap?
I am still laughing!

Hope you get some INCREDIBLE coupons in that book -- you've earned them!

Deborah said...

"...in a sweaty, huffing & puffing, Easter egg colored heap." ..."window shopper with Tourettes."
Shannon, whenever I need a good belly laugh, you always come through. Hilarious!!!

Andrea said...

hahahaha!
Reminds me of something Johnny Bravo would do. Have you seen that cartoon. Hey Lil'Momma! hehehe

C.J. said...

That is too funny. I hope you have recaptured your normal respiratory rate...if not perhaps there's a coupon for the pulmonologist in there ;0)

Kim said...

OMG, I'm LMAO! You're too funny!

foodiechickie said...

LOOOOL!! That is so funny! Glad you found each other and its good you joined. Doesn't matter how a mom gets to be a mom as you know and you are going to be if not already a great one!

owens1299 said...

omg i am just dying of laughter... soooo freaking funny... only you girl lol... hope there is some good coupons in that book!

jaj said...

That is so funny - thanks for the laugh!

***Willow&Belle's Mom*** said...

Oh MY! That is way too fuuny, great story, thanks for the laugh!

Still smiling at this...lol

Journey to Mia Lin said...

Oh God. I needed that laugh.
Too funny!!!

Headmeister said...

Holy crap, I'm laughing again... you sure do know how to tell a story "ma'am" lol!