Thursday, December 28, 2006

Adoption Update: the new regulations

So, as many of you have already heard, the CCAA has issued new regulations for adopting from China. I'm touched by the amount of email I've received from you guys regarding the new regs and how or if they could effect us. When the rumors started I got in contact with our agency to discuss our options as there are a few of the requirements that we will not meet.
Here is where we stand: we could send our dossier to China, have it go through the process there and wait for who knows how long up to and including a year, to have China turn us down if they make their new regs retroactive. We would lose a LOT of money and time and would be emotionally devastated. Plus then we'd have to start the process over with another country.
Or we we could send our dossier to China, have it go through the process there and wait for approximately 2 years and be referred a child or twins. That would be ideal (minus the looooong wait).
Or we pull out of China and go with a different country within our agency. We're not crazy about this option as we would prefer not to adopt from the other countries that our agency works with for various reasons including cost, multiple trips, etc. CSP's job will not allow for multiple or long trips to Eastern Europe, and our bank account won't allow for the higher costs that come with adopting from there or Guatemala.
Or we could pull out of China and go with another country and another agency. This would mean forfeiting the approx. $5000 we've already paid to our agency, but we'd be able to go with our 2nd choice for country.
Or we could go domestic. We'd discussed this before we chose China, and for various reasons we are not crazy about that idea. We don't want the birth parents finding us or bumping into us at T@rget. And we especially couldn't handle it if the birth parents changed their minds on us and took our baby away. Fostering is another option but neither of us could handle them taking a child away from us after we'd bonded with him/her.
Our social worker is scheduled to come here for our new house inspection on the 16th. Before she comes we have some decisions to make. We've been talking everything over and doing a lot of praying and consulting with our nearest and dearest on our next course of action.

Whatever we decide we may keep it a private decision for a while. This whole thing has been emotionally draining. I've been very blue over the last few weeks because of it. The idea of abandoning China breaks my heart. We've been in love with China and Ling Ling for 2 years now. We've worked so hard to prepare for her. Leaving China feels like leaving Ling Ling and that hurts. But when we discussed adoption at the start we knew we didn't care where our children came from, we just wanted them to come home.

15 comments:

cute one said...

best wishes are with you both. what is meant to be will be & if its not right, it'll make itself right! God works in ((very)) mysterious ways.

Andrea said...

I have to agree with the previous poster. God does work in mysterious ways and knows exactly what he's doing. I know you're down right now but keep in mind that the wheels are already in motion for you to get the exact child that you are supposed to adopt. Maybe your child is in another country or maybe she is in China. Either way, God will make everything work in your favor so that you get the child that he knows was meant for you. It always seems that right before something really great happens, the devil really starts trying to hack away at you and make you want to give up. Since all this bad news is being thrown your way, it probably actually means that great things are about to happen. Keep your eye on the prize and don't let any of this other stuff make you stumble. Just step over the obstacles and keep going. I can understand wanting to keep things private. When you're going through something really stressful, sometimes the last thing you want to do is rehash it in text. So whether you choose to keep it private or blog about it, just know that we are all praying and pulling for you.

Julie said...

I'm not trying to push this, at all--I'm just telling you a little about us. We did an interstate adoption--we live a thousand miles away from J's birthmom. That cuts down on us just happening upon her.

And, she signed her termination before we ever set eyes on J. His dad is a different story, but we could have passed on the situation if we wanted.

Time our home study was finished until placement: 8 months.

Our social worker told us that, yes, matches fall through from time to time but that we hear way more about those bad situations that we ever do the good, normal ones--and that the smooth placements happen way more often than the others.

So, if you're at all interested in domestic, you might want to give it another look.

Tracy said...

I just wanted to say good luck and I hope you find a solution soon. We changed from China to Vietnam for our second adoption because of the proposed (at that time they were just rumors) changes. We were just matched yesterday with a cute chubby little 5 month old boy. So just know that although you have your heart set on China you can be just as happy with another country once you make your decision. I always thought we would get 2 little girls from China and never thought I could be so attached to the thought of a littel boy as I have become (and it's 1000x more after seeing his face). Good luck and I know which ever way you go you will be happy and have the baby that will fill your life with joy.


Tracy
www.ameliarae.com (Guangxi, China)
www.jacklouis.net (Hanoi, Vietnam)

foodiechickie said...

Oh Shannon I am so so sorry. This breaks my heart. I know it will work out some how! The very best of luck!!

chocolatebrown&blue said...

Many...many...many (HUGS) to you!

Headmeister said...

Shannon, I'm soooo sorry that you have to go through this stress - it can definitely take it's toll on you, so please try to be gentle with yourself. DH and I also wouldn't qualify as per the new regulations either, so I guess our second child will come from a different country. I really didn't want to comment on my opinion of your situation and what I think you should do, because it's such a personal choice and one that is heavy with "what if's", but the minute I read your post, my gut told me "go for China, go for China". It screamed at me really, and it doesn't often do that. But no matter what the outcome you choose, please know that you have an army of supporters, ready to battle the wait with you, no matter what country your little one comes from... :) Hugs to you!

Connie said...

Sweet Shannon. The only thing I can do is send a hug and keep you in my thoughts. You are supported along the path to making your decision and beyond. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Debra Sue said...

Okay Blogger's being an ass. Anyway...
Been thinking lots about you and CSP. We are in a constant stage of anxiety and fear over this, so I totally understand the hesitancy in forging ahead.
If you need to vent or hash it out, you know I am here for you. Just drop me an email or give me a call.

XXOO,
Deb
http://ladybugfly.blogspot.com/

jaj said...

I'm praying for you that everything will work out and that soon you will have little feet and contagious laughter ringing throughout your house.

***Willow&Belle's Mom*** said...

Just not fair..you have been waiting for so long....I wish you tons of luck...hopefully this won't get in the way and soon you will be bringing your well desirved child home....Big ((HUGS)) to you..Chin up!

***Willow&Belle's Mom*** said...

Just not fair..you have been waiting for so long....I wish you tons of luck...hopefully this won't get in the way and soon you will be bringing your well desirved child home....Big ((HUGS)) to you..Chin up!

Krista said...

This is a very difficult and personal decision. But the way that I understand it is as long as you're LID before May 1st, the old rules apply. Do you not think you'll be LID by then? I'll support whatever decision you make but if you're seeking opinions... mine is to stay the course with China (if you'll make the deadline). It's where your heart started on this path and from the sound of your post it's where you want to be.

Jesser said...

What a bummer. :( I'm sure things will work out for you in the end ... you obviously have loads of love to give.

Melissa said...

I don't remember what agency you are with but if you are pretty far into the paperchase, and can have it done by March, I'd say go with it and hope you get LID before 5/1. I know these rules are heartbreaking. They would prevent us from adopting if we didn't already have a log in and now referral and waiting to travel. I'm still nervous that something will come up and we come home without her or never make it over there. I know my agency opened up to Vietnam and they were a China only agency. It breaks my heart that many are going to be kept from going to China now over these rules. Some I can understand but not all. I know we would be out for three of the reasons. I am really, really sorry this has caused a problem with your adoption. I know you'll make the best decision for you and your husband.