Where the Swedes kick my Southern ass all the way home

Driving to Atlanta, shopping at IKEA, eating at Lisa's, fighting over smokers, more shopping, driving home, and unloading is a crippling experience. But I can't resist the call of the affordable Swedish homewares. As soon as you walk through the doors something happens to you. Me, my brain slides out of my ears and lies in a quivering mass on the floor. I can never go to IKEA and get my order right. EVER. What did I screw up this time? I bought 2 sconces that must be hardwired instead of the ones that plug in, 3 shades for the screened porch that are 9 inches too short (and I was armed with measurements from home), 3 toliet brush holders instead of toilet tissue holders, and 1 giant cracked mirror. I am a shopping dumbass.
Our drive down was fun and liesurely AND we witnessed an up close and personal Fast and Furious Atlanta style as 5 or 6 souped up Hondas stopped- stopped!!- on the highway then took off like rockets with tires smoking. They crossed 5 lanes of traffic before hitting the exit ramp. We stayed in a fabulous hotel with a modern flare and enjoyed the giant plasma tv, ginger smelling shampoo and soap, and the free breakfast. We did not, however, enjoy the person who insisted on smoking in the room adjacent to ours. Since they were adjoining rooms the smoke came right under the door and flew right down my CPAP machine tube into my lungs. The entire hotel is non-smoking so this was an issue. Susan called down to the desk and told them about it so we wouldn't get charged the $200 smoking fee and so they'd make the smoker stop. We went back to sleep, but the drama didn't end there.
Saturday we shopped at IKEA about all day- 366,000 square feet is a lot of ground to cover, especially when every Atlanta resident is there with you. Man was it crowded! We loaded up our purchases and quickly got lost on the many highways that crisscross the metro Atlanta area. We pulled into a McDon@lds and asked the drive through girl what town we were in while Lisa looked up directions. We finally made it to their house and enjoyed a fabulous dinner and even better company. We laughed and talked til late and headed back to the hotel. Our room smelled clean again so we were hopeful. We were so tired and sore and went right to sleep. Only to be woken up at 2am with a room full of smoke again. This time Susan brought the front desk guy up to our room and do you know what he said? That we just smelled carpet cleaner or incense!!! My ass! We were so tired it just wasn't worth it to switch rooms so we endured another fitful night's sleep. By this time our clothes smelled even! We made sure to talk to the manager when we checked out and secured coupons for a free future visit. We went back to IKEA to return the 7 foot long curtain rods I bought the day before for our 3 foot wide windows. Duh. We couldn't help ourselves and went back through the store one more time before hitting the road.
We stopped for lunch on the way home and had the strangest waitress. Each time she'd refill our drinks or bring us something and we'd say thank you she'd say "thank YOU". It was so weird.
We finally got home with all our goodies and deemed it a fantastic weekend. I was so glad Susan liked IKEA too. And of course, I can't wait to go back!