The Chronic-what-cles of Grandmommy

I think my title may be a little obscure. But any time I think of the word chronicles I think of that Adam Sandberg skit/song about the Chronicles of N@rnia from SNL.
Anyway...since my Gmommy moved in with my mama she's been keeping us up to date with Gmommy happenings via email. Here was the first big update:
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Ok, this is bad..........but, I think we're ok now.
Mom got up in the middle of the night, she said to go to the bathroom. She decided for some reason to go downstairs. She doesn't put her slippers on right as they are meant to be pulled up over the whole foot. Instead she just slips her toes in. This may be what caused her to stumble. She fell down the stairs! I heard her fall and went running down there. Everyone came running. She's OK. However, she cut or tore the skin on her elbow and she is banged up quite a bit. She was very, very shaken; as were we! This all happened around 1:30 am. We were up for most of the night. Going forward, we are securing a gate at the top of the stairs and a large poster size sign saying "STOP!" and then directing her to the bathroom that is RIGHT BESIDE HER BEDROOM! I'm emailing this to you because I just can't talk about it without crying like a baby and I'm at work. Last night was one of the most horrible moments of my life. I can't express the shear terror that went through me, us. We held her and rocked her and talked to her until she became stable again. She finally went back to bed and stayed there the remainder of the night. I checked her out again this morning at 7:00 and she looked fine (other than the bruises) and said she felt fine. I think I'll soak her in a warm bath when I get home.
She said she wanted to go jogging later so I think she's ok!

Then this came the other day:
Well, perhaps we need to start a new blog about the tales of your Gmother. This afternoon
when Gmommy was complaining of serious pain in her abdomen, Hale ran through a series
of questions trying to determine the problem. When reporting back to me the situation, he said, "Well, I know she's never had appendicitis" How's that? "Because she dropped
her pants and showed me!" That's it folks...Hot as Hale has seen the Gpatch! OMG!

And this:
And the beat goes on......the part I left out was: As you know we have had a time with Gmommy wanting to feed Sam (Mom's dog) everything in site and sneaking him food (people food)
Like a young child, she can't seem to understand that he has no interest in salad, bannanas, pickles etc. She also can't understand that some things are bad for
pets...anyway.............When Hale was away yesterday running errands she apparently
took this opportunity to give Sam a little snack. Hale returned to find about 25 Oreo
cookies scattered about the entire upstairs. She fed them to him one at a time. All
this went down before the trip to the emergency medical hospital.

and then today she says, "You know that friend of yours, well,....I don't know sometimes
he's kind of crazy. But I didn't pick him. He's yours. Not my problem". and then she
said, "I'm takin my dog with me when I go"

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I love how Gmommy keeps referring to Hot as Hale (my stepdad) as Mom's friend. And the Gpatch! So funny!